


My Foolish Heart

by Spinelli



Category: Perdona Nuestros Pecados
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-14 06:06:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spinelli/pseuds/Spinelli
Summary: My take on Mechita's and Barbara's POV before, during, and after their kisses.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> My Spanish is atrocious.  
> I can understand what people say in Spanish but I cannot, for the love of my life, write it well.  
> Therefore, this had to be written in English.  
> Which is kinda sad because no english words can match the romantic tone of: "Eres tan linda."

Mercedes felt her heart pounding crazily inside her chest. 

Tears were beginning to roll down Barbara's face. Nicanor had put her in this state, and Mercedes couldn't bare  
see her like this. 

She raised her left hand and cupped her friend's cheek, attempting to console her.  
_She was so beautiful_ \- she thought.

And without really taking notice of it, she said it aloud.  
_You are so beautiful._

Something shifted in Barbara's eyes. They were still saddened, yes, but now, they had a dash of hopefulness in them.

Barbara weighted the intimacy of the moment - they had slept in the same room, gotten drunk at late hours in the night.  
They even held hands. 

But this, this was different. Never had she been so close to Mercedes - the hand, caressing her cheek, silently begging for her to move closer. Oh, how she wanted to. Her body was pratically begging her to. 

And then...they both looked at each other's lips.

That was the moment that Barbara knew she wasn't going to run away. She had done it before, making up an excuse to break the tension - whenever she felt they were crossing some invisible line. But the second she looked down at Mechita's lips, she knew: she had to kiss her. If someone asked her why, she couldn't give a clear answer. She wasn't thinking right now.

She moved closer. Mercedes hand lowered a bit but she didn't move away. That gave Barbara the confidence she needed.  
Mechita drew a quick breath as Barbara grew impossibly closer.  
Was she anticipating this as much as she was?

There was only one way to find out.  
Mimicking her friend, Barbara closed her eyes. Her nose touched Mechita's, and as soon as she felt her friend's face raising to her level, Barbara kissed her.

Despite her seven years of marriage, this was the sweetest, softest kiss Barbara had ever experienced.

Mercedes too, had never experienced anything like this before. She wasn't lying when she confessed she never had a boyfriend before.  
Somehow, for her, intimacy was something really hard to develop with the opposite sex.

Now she knew why.

The moment Barbara got closer to her, her body experienced all the symptoms she had read countless times in romance books.  
It wasn't so cheesy after all. It was all too real. She couldn't breathe, her body was over-reacting to Barbara's closeness.

And then they lips met.  
God. So this was desire, so this was the passion everyone had been talking about.

And then, reality hit Mercedes, and the beauty of the moment was gone.

She just kissed another woman. Even worse, a close friend. What was she thinking? What would Barbara think of her?  
Their friendship would be ruined now - God, this was wrong. 

Mechita heard Barbara say something but she didn't register. She had to leave, she couldn't confront her right now.  
And so she left, leaving Barbara behind.

Her worries were different from Mechita's.  
She wasn't worried she had kissed another woman. She was worried she had to go back to her loveless marriage.  
She was worried that Mercedes wouldn't want to see her again.

She longed for her friend. She wanted her. After years of an unhappy marriage, she now felt finally alive. Something to look forward to, something that didn't feel like a chore or obligation. God, how she wanted Mercedes.

She had to go after her.  
And so she did.


	2. Path to Acceptance

Mercedes was kneeling at the church, her hands tightly clasped.  
She was trying to pray, to find some guidance, but the recent events kept distracting her.  
All she could think about was how much sense it made when Barbara's lips touched hers.  
How intense it had been, even if it lasted only a few seconds.

Was this why she never felt the need of a man?  
Could she only feel like this towards women in general, or just Barbara in particular?

Was this really wrong? How could something so good be a wrong thing? Especially when it came from the heart.  
What did God think of all of this?

She never heard much about love between women. And that's what scared her the most - if it was not spoken of, it was not normal.

And what did Barbara think of her? She couldn't even imagine her life without her, not after having formed such a beautiful friendship together.  
But how could Barbara stand her now, after what she'd done? 

As these thoughts plagued her, she heard footsteps and someone kneeling beside her.

"What are you doing here?" - Mercedes asked, shocked to see her friend.

"I couldn't let you go as if you've just seen the devil" - Barbara answered. Her voice sounded as if she had run to the Church.

Mercedes was temporarily relieved that Barbara didn't seem angry. But she was still conflicted.

"I need some time alone Barbara, I'm very confused...I don't know what happened to me." 

The affliction in Mechita's voice melted Barbara's heart. 

"I've never felt like this before." - She added, finally meeting Barbara's gaze.

The taller woman couldn't hold their stare. She lowered her eyes.

"Me neither." She confessed, although she wasn't as sure as Mercedes. This was not the time to go down memory lane, anyway.

"I feel so bad." Mechita kept chastising herself - "I don't know why I did it." 

"It was just a kiss, Mercedes." - Barbara said, wanting desperately to tranquilize her friend. The sooner Mercedes stopped worrying,  
the sooner they could adress their feelings.

"A very innapropriate kiss, Barbara" - Mechita said, as if trying to convince herself too - "We're friends, we've very good friends."

"What a crazy idea Barbara, my God." 

Barbara gathered her thoughts. This was going nowhere.

"You're right...what a crazy idea." She thought anything but. It wasn't crazy. Not really. But she desperately needed to know  
why Mercedes had done it, then. To try and reach the real matter. "That's why I'm here. Because I don't want you to torment yourself."

Mercedes finally registered what Barbara had said. They seemed to be on the same boat now. 

"Again I acted without thinking." She said, trying to soften the subject, to protect herself, to protect their friendship.  
"Without thinking about the consequences."

"Sure." Barbara agreed verbally, but not mentally. Inside she was almost screaming. They both wanted this. She had to be right about that.

"That's why I wanted to ask...why did you do it, Mercedes?"

Mechita raised her head and faced her friend.

"I don't know, I don't know...I've never kissed anyone, not even a boy." She confessed.

Barbara's features softened. How could Mechita still be so pure. 

"I feel so weird." Said Mercedes, breaking down once more.

Finding that words really didn't help her so far, Barbara put her hand over Mechita's. It was her secret weapon - the friendly hand.  
Maybe it could work again - calming Mercedes down by just holding her hand, like she did at the movies.

"Me too." Barbara said.

Mercedes looked down at their hands, still frowning.

"But the only thing I know...." - Barbara took a breath, as if bracing herself for what she was about to say - "...is that I want it  
to happen again, Mercedes."

Mercedes was facing Barbara as she said these last words, shocked. The way her friend delivered it, it sounded like it was true.  
Could it be, that this wasn't an awkward moment, then? Could it be, that it happened for a reason? 

Mercedes turned so she was facing Barbara.  
Her friend did the same.

As Barbara raised her hand to touch Mechita's hair, all her friend could do was look at her lips and back at her eyes, as if trying to  
be sure this was going to happen again. Was it going to happen again, was Barbara really speaking the truth?

With one last look at Barbara's eyes, she got her confirmation.

Without thinking about where they were, they were kissing again, this time more urgently - without hesitation.

Mechita's brain registered Barbara's hands craddling her face ever so softly. How could something be so tender and intense at the same time?  
As Mercedes was about to raise her hand too, to touch Barbara's waist, to make sure this was happening...they heard a door opening.

And with that, they were interrupted by the Priest, barely being able to look at each other before leaving the church.

Reality hit Mercedes once again as she left ahead of Barbara. She heard her taller friend calling, but kept walking.

"I'm sorry Barbara, but it's really late and we both need some rest."

"Please, just tell me you're not mad at me." Barbara asked, not able to forgive herself if she had pushed it too far.

"What are we doing, Barbara?"

Mercedes was stopped by Barbara's hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry...I didn't want you to feel bad, quite the opposite." This part was entirely true. "I just wanted you to feel better after  
what happened at the hotel."

"We were at the church, Barbara, this is, this is heresy." 

"I'm sorry Mercedes, we were both caught by surprise...please, let us not blame each other for what happened."  
"Let's not argue, please." She begged, not being able to imagine her life without Mercedes in it.

Mercedes hesitated for a second, and said with the few strenght left in her voice:

"Good night, Barbara." And then she left.

\---

As Mercedes was arriving at her bedroom, she found herself smiling.  
Barbara was not mad - quite the contrary, she wanted to make sure they were still friends.

Whatever happened between, it didn't ruin their friendship. That's all Mercedes wanted. Maybe they could go back to normal.

She couldn't, though, forget the kiss. Even if it was a one-time (well, two-time) thing, never to be repeated again, it would be  
something she'd save in her memory, forever. Nobody else could know about it, it was still wrong, somehow. But part of her wanted  
to cherish that memory, enjoy it, make it last.

\---

 

Barbara took double the time she usually did to arrive home, open the door, and get to her bedroom. She was in some sort of trance.  
On one hand, she was delighted about having someone like Mercedes so close to her. Close enough to understand that they belonged together. On the other hand, her friend was having difficulties coming to terms with it.  
Barbara was also married. Could they keep this going on, hidden from everyone? Surely they couldn't share with the world that they were more than friends. No. That could not be. But she also could not live a world of lies. Not now, that she knew what else was there for her. Mercedes.

No. There was only one thing to do. She had to win Mercedes back - make her believe that there was nothing wrong with what they did.  
But for that, they needed time. Mercedes needed time.

And for her, Barbara could wait her whole life.


	3. Path to forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay, Mechita. What are you doing?  
> This chapter is my prediction of what is to happen after last episode (14.02.2018).

Mechita had ruined it, she had definitely ruined it.

She got so scared of being found out, of being wrongly judged and losing her job (that was _everything_ to her), that she might've lost Barbara for good now.

What had she done?

The last thing she remembered was Barbara being painfully close to her. Her breath hitched as she recalled how much she'd wanted to kiss her then, but her body instinctively pushed away, her irrational fear winning over the desire she felt for the taller woman.

Oh how she wished she could go back, to hold Barbara in her arms and kiss her, hard.  
Yes. Not the kind of chaste kiss they'd shared before - she longed for more, so much. And Barbara had wanted it to, she could feel it.

No, she had to talk to Barbara.   
It was late in the night now, though, and it would look suspicious to go after her, especially since Maria Elsa and Augusta were still downstairs.

Mechita sighed, and prepared to go to bed.   
When she found herself laying down, Mercedes kept replaying their conversation in her head, her heart feeling tight in her chest whenever she remembered the pain in Barbara's face.

She only managed to fall asleep a couple of hours later, when she had focused on the way Barbara had defended her against Augusta's harshness, hanging onto that moment as proof of their solid friendship, that shouldn't be broken just by one isolated argument.

\---

Barbara arrived home still crying.  
Remembering that Nicanor might still be up, working late, she quickly wiped her tears and tried to compose herself.

As she approached their bedroom, though, It seemed as if Nicanor was already sleeping, after all, saving Barbara the trouble to put up a façade and hide her emotions.

She slowly put on her pajamas and let out a long, inaudible sigh.

Barbara knew she had been too harsh on Mechita. She herself had passed through the same fears that Mercedes was feeling right now, and she should've known better than to lash out.

Oh but how she had wanted to kiss her. And they were in Mechita's room, of all places! Nobody could spy on them there.  
Next time she had to make sure they locked themselves in.  
Would there, though, exist a 'next time'? Mercedes had wanted space and time, Barbara should respect it and let her go, for now.

Laying down in the bed next to Nicanor, Barbara closed her eyes and tried to sleep.  
It was hopeless.  
The desire was still awake within her, even after the fight they had. It had subsided slightly, but was still present, and her wandering thoughts were not helping her case.

She was losing her mind again.

\---

The next morning, with a clearer head, Barbara decided that if she had to give space to Mercedes, she wanted to do it in good terms.

And for that, she had to visit her at school, for it seemed to be the most logical place they could be together without raising suspicions.

She had opted not to go right away, otherwise it would look desperate, and Mechita might need the time to gather her thoughts.  
So Barbara followed her usual routine and only by the end of the afternoon did she go out, taking more time than necessary with her hair and makeup.

She found Mechita in the Principal's Office, drowned in paperwork. She had knocked and waited for her friend to raise her head and let her in with a discreet hand gesture.

Closing the door behind her, Barbara started talking right away, not intending to sit or take long:

"Mercedes, I'll be quick because I don't want to impose."

Mechita had risen from her chair by then, approaching her friend on the other side of the desk. She was feeling incredibly sad and guilty, but seeing Barbara had given her hope, even if she looked angry.

"Forgive me, Barbara, for everything I said yesterday - I was nervous and let the nerves speak for myself."

"No, Mercedes, please forgive _me_. I'm a bit crazy." Barbara said, thinking it'd be the only logical explanation for the way she had treated Mercedes. She had also heard people calling her that before, many years ago.

Mercedes let out a small, restrained laugh, thinking Barbara was being silly.

"And...maybe you're right. We should keep our distance until you're feeling less worried." - the taller woman added.

Mechita shook her head, smiling. Barbara was being incredibly sweet and supportive, as usual.   
That only gave adittional strengh to Mechita's convictions. After a bad night's sleep, she knew what she wanted, what was more important - and right now, it was having Barbara in her life.

"No." She said firmly. She grabbed Barbara's hands only to reaffirm her position, much to her friend's surprise.

"I don't want to be away from you." 

Barbara held her breath, barely believing her ears. She was not expecting Mercedes to change her mind so quickly. Granted, she had been afraid before, after their kiss at the church. But things had since changed for the better, and she thought Mechita's worries were more valid this time.

They stared at each other's eyes for a couple of seconds, knowing the moment so well - it called for closeness, for touches, for everything.  
But they couldn't, not here, in the office.

Barbara's throat felt constricted, overloaded with things she wanted to blurt out, but Mercedes was quicker:

"I want to ... Barbara...I...want to be close to you, always. Every moment of the day. I ...regret the way I acted yesterday, I wish it had been different."

The way Mercedes said it, Barbara knew what she meant, exactly. The desire was beginning to show in Mechita's eyes, shyly but progressively, and it was killing Barbara. Every second that passed and they were not kissing felt like a waste of precious time.

"We can't, not here." She managed to said, her voice weak.

"Will you stay with me until I finish these reports? And join me later for dinner and who knows, a drink or two?" - Mercedes asked, feeling bold.

Barbara immediately accepted, nodding her head and smiling, barely able to hide her excitement.

And so they spent the next couple of hours exchanging painfully restrained touches as they sat together, going over the paperwork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I'm sorry I will continue this later today, I promise :)!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Words cannot express how much I love this pairing.  
> Mechita is sweet, pure, yet very firm when it comes to her beliefs.  
> Barbara is very giving, and brave. These two form a great combination and their chemistry is IN-SA-NE!
> 
> \--
> 
> Also, if you want to know which songs I listen when I write/think about these characters:
> 
> "My Foolish Heart" - Margaret Whiting  
> "Will you still love me tomorrow" - Roberta Flack  
> "Midnight, the stars and you" - Al Bowlly


End file.
